Dear Advertisers, Love Me

Adverts, are by design, a necessary evil when you watch as much Channel 4 programming as I seem to.


Some are a great 30 seconds of wittiness or catchy theme tunes, some like the dreaded Go Compare one make my teeth grind with annoyance. None ever make me wish to buy more of X product, so perhaps I’m missing the point of the things in the first place.


However, there are ads recently that are beyond stupid, or make me feel older than my 30 years, or which  just make me wish to smack the ad agency with a very large comedy frying pan.


First up for the Frying Pan is Dulux. 


Now, I loved their recent ad whereby a young woman painted her bland bedroom red, and, on her boyfriend throwing her on the bed with lustful advances due to said red colour (which made me realise when we changed one of our rooms red we got pregnant with Mini), the door shuts. Only to be opened on mayhem, with children and the lady pregnant, thus painting the room back to its former bland colour. That, my friends was clever advertising.


The newest one, is not so much clever as misleading to more gullible new parents. 


The idea is, a couple have two noisy kids who don’t like to sleep in and who refuse to leave their parent’s alone in their bedroom (I’m presuming they didn’t need the red paint to induce wanton bedroom gymnastics, they just want rid of their brats. I can sympathise). However, aforementioned parents go off to their hardware store, buy some tins of lovely Dulux paint, paint the kids room, and hey presto, magically, the kids stay happily playing in their room until 9.30am. 


Whatever!


I wish it were that simple.


Despite re-decorating Mini’s room twice in two years, she more often than not comes in our room, bemoaning that she hates the dark/sleeping alone/wants a hug and thus disturbing the peace. She also refuses, along with her brother, to let us have any, cough, alone time, no matter how many crap toys, room stickers and layers of paint we brush on.


I say its false advertising. 


Which takes me onto Top Shop.


In the window of my local store, which is one of the few still gallantly staying open in our High Street, is a large sign. It screams out that Hot Pants are the summer must have, and how they have a pair which can be worn in 21 different ways. “You have to have them” its says. “Its a summer essential” it cries. “Its practically the law in Maidenhead to wear them even when its not summer but with Ugg Boots”. OK, it doesn’t say that last one, but, you know, it may as well have.


Hmm. I’m not convinced.


You see, whatever way of the impressive 21 ways I could try to wear them, there is still the minor issue of the fact I do not posses the legs of a size 8 model. I have stretch marks on my thighs. I also have scars on my knee. 
Especially when one considers that I own underwear longer and with more arse coverage than these hot pants. And they are satin. Not known for its fat girl flattering properties. Or its fat arse covering properties either.


So, whilst I am sure Top Shop have customers for which Hot Pants are the thing they must own this summer (like my leggy and size 6 niece J for instance. Who owns leather hot pants. And does not, owing to her size 6, 5 foot 6 self have a fat arse), I disagree with the claim they are a summer must have.


In my wardrobe, a summer must have must have at least enough material to cover from my neck to my feet. If it dusts the floor even better. It must have Lycra. It also must not be satin, silk, white or any other easily stained colours. So pretty much black or navy blue. It must look fine with cheap flip flops, not require an iron (I hate ironing in the winter, let alone when its 30 degrees out) and must look OK with a battered old Sisley denim jacket which only just does up I like lots.


I think I shall be giving Top Shop shopping a wide berth. I’m obviously past it.


Have you seen any ads which have you reaching for the remote? Let me know below!

Music Magpie- Turning Clutter into Cash!*

Its nearly April, and that means spring is just around the corner.


But, if you’re anything like Lazy Girl, you’re not a fan of the dreaded spring clean and the hard work that ensues.  Especially when the other half bemoans the clutter that has slowly but surely made its way back into every available cupboard or surface. And the fact I don’t get paid for my hard work.


To my mind, I bought these things, and so, obviously I needed them. Parting with items such as CDs, DVDs and games, which cost anything from £10 upwards new, can induce purse related issues, especially in the current climate.


Take all those Fitness based DVDs and games you bought in a moment of January Twitter related get fit solidarity. And used twice. 


Or those games the geeks in the shop told you your hard to please child would love for Christmas. Which despite the price tag were ditched quicker than wrapping paper.


However, there is a quick and simple way of ridding the house of unwanted DVDs CDs, and games, with musicMagpie.


Its as simple as using your smart phone to scan the bar codes of the unwanted items, downloading the iPhone app, or tapping the bar code numbers into the website if you don’t have a smart phone**. Then, click “Complete Trade”. You’ll be offered a price for your items on the spot, and if you agree, you box them up and the company sends out its free to use courier service to collect them- whenever it suits you. 



Then your cheque arrives in the post! Simple!


What next- well, you go and spend your money from your hard earned de-cluttering to buy, erm, more shoes to hide under the bed from your husband? 


Why ditch those former must haves for nothing when you can sell computer games for cash with musicMagpie.


What are you waiting for? Get de-cluttering for cash!

Birthday Party Countdown- 1 Month to Go!

It is Mini’s 5th Birthday next month, and now she’s at school, she’s excited about it and has been for months.

Literally, since just after we threw the last piece of Christmas wrapping paper out for the recycling, she has been asking about her birthday. What are we going to do for it? Can she have a party? Can she have a big cake? You get the idea.


Over the weekend, we finally sat down to officially plan the party itself. We don’t mind her having a small party, after all it’s a bunch of easy to please 4 and 5 year olds, so a bit of cake and a couple of rounds of pin the tail on the donkey like days gone by parties from my youth will be OK, right?


Wrong.


Mini has, shall we say, upped the modern day ante somewhat. Partly to blame is Elder, who (wrongly) suggested that Nursey Sister in Law knew someone with a bouncy castle, or access to one cheaply. Note the wrongly there. Before I had even said yes, or he had actually listened asked properly about the availability of said bouncy castle, and despite my strict instruction to not say a word to Mini, you guessed it, he “accidentally” told her.


The first I knew that she knew was on the way to school, and, bless her, she’s crap at lying. “Daddy said not to tell you but I’m having a bouncy castle at my birthday party aren’t I mummy”. You can imagine the death stares I gave him later on. Especially when it turned out the lady no longer has access to a bouncy castle at all.


Luckily, we found that there are loads of companies online in Berkshire with bouncy castles available. I did think of having it at our local leisure centre. I thought that you can pitch up, have said party, then naff off leaving all the tidying to lesser mortals. Not the case.



Despite the website saying they hire the hall for £40 per hour, when I rang up I was told I’d need to pay for public liability insurance, pay the wages of 5 staff members, provide my own food and drink, and, should I even think of having a CD on in the background, I’d have to have some sort of performance license as well. Not to mention contacting the owners of the rights to the music as well. All in all, it ended up being quoted as close to £500 for 2 hours! Ridiculous!


Next was who to invite. Mini’s first helpful suggestion was “all of FS2”. FS2 being her entire year, bar one girl who she doesn’t like. That’s 40+ kids. Not gonna happen. So, we made a manageable list of 16 kids, plus she has family coming too. 


Invites written, and we set off this morning to hand them out. 


You’d think it was the Academy Awards she was handing out, such was the collective excitement (except for two of the boys she has invited who handed them straight to their Mums). Then came tears.


We forgot one for M, one of her classmates. Opps.


M cried, so Mini cried, so then one of her other friends cried. It really did seem like the cloak room would flood with tears. I apologised to M’s Mum (who luckily was fine) and promised to bring an invite later. Phew. 


The theme is Pirates and Princesses. God help me, I will probably be bankrupt and on the verge of a breakdown before the party ends. There’s the party bags next. And the food (some of which I’m struggling with as a few of the kids in her class will eat Halal and I have no idea what to buy in that case). 


Suggestions gratefully received from my fellow parenting comrades!


Photo credits:

Image: Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net




Image: digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Looking out for your family’s well being with the best private health care

Mini’s Outfit of the Week (The Scruff Edition)

It’s Saturday, there’s no school today, so here we have Mini’s latest offering in the 4 nearly 5 style stakes.


Its a mixed bag today, and slightly delayed due to massive tantrums over what she would and wouldn’t be able to do today. I want her to tidy her epic tip of a room, she has other ideas along the lines of making more mess and Mummy doing the tidying on Monday. 


We have, for your stylistic pleasure, today her navy blue and white stripped hoodie, from Next (by way of her cousin growing out of it), along with Mini’s favourite pink piggy socks (meant to be worn under wellies). She refused to take her white jammie bottoms off today in protest at us not going to the Kids Club at the cinema this week, so these will be worn all day.



Here, Mini is showing that she also has a top underneath her hoodie, a peach and flowery patterned one, also from the cousin grew out of it pile. N is a whole 4 years older but a mere one dress size ahead of Mini, which works out marvellously for the household budget as Elder’s sister loves to shop for clothes and thus Mini ends up with black sacks full of barely or not at all worn clothes. 


God only knows what look Mini will be wearing next week, but she’s off to a classmates birthday so watch this space!