Onesies. What Are They All About?

I have to start this post by saying I am hardly the oracle on all things fashion related. I wear skinny jeans in winter purely as if I wear flares they a) don’t fit inside my boots and b) flap all wet and dirty round my ankles, and jumpers because its bloody cold. Such is my lack of fashion know how, I have a jumper upstairs in my wardrobe that is shiny with age but as I have had it since before I met Elder, and it still fits, I can claim to be not that different in size from when he met me. Not pointing out that the jumper used to be baggy, and is now quite snug around everywhere my formerly flat chest.

There are certain garments which baffle me though. I have laughed at bottom skimming shorts previously (although would you believe there are still girls in Maidenhead wearing these in this arctic weather we are having, they have just added Ugg boots and a Gilet to keep them warm), but there is one thing that makes me split my sides more.

Onesies.


Why? Why would you want to dress yourself as a baby? (There are places you can go to do that people, where they charge a lot of money. Apparently) 

Yes, I have heard the “they are warm” excuses- but so are hot water bottles and slankets and good old fashioned pajamas. If its really cold in doors, I wear an old sweatshirt which is huge that the Nephew left behind years ago. 


To my mind, wearing a onesie as a grown adult signifies that the owner may as well have given up on having any form of sex life. They are this generations Novelty Nightie. They are passion killers. 

Imagine if you will that, in the night, there is some sort of emergency, such as fire or flood (and face it, flooding is getting more likely with our antiquated drains). You have no chance to pick up any clothing, and a hunky Fireman is at the door, ready to man handle you to safety. Yet, instead of wearing something grown up, or just a nice pair of jamas, you look like an over grown toddler instead. 

As for those who actually venture out to the shops in these things- what the hell are you thinking? I can understand the TOWIE lot wearing them outdoors, that lot are thick and have fried their brains with too much fake tan. But I have been in my local town centre and seen perfectly sane looking people wearing one of these nasty looking things. 

Now, I put my hands up here- I did used to have a thing for wearing my pajamas to the local Maccy Ds on a Saturday whilst dying of hangover. But I was 17 or 18, and I wouldn’t do it now.

Onesies. I call an amnesty on these flammable, sexless, nasty things. We are not 12 month olds, and the only bottles we want are ones containing gin or wine.

Just say no kids.

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