Lazy Girl Versus Wardrobe- Ow.

In our house, we have a pretty “keep it until it falls apart/blows up/we find better second hand and cheap (or free from Freegle) attitude to home furnishings. I’ve never been one for matchy-matchy prints or a theme. In fact, the theme I’d tie to our house is probably “Steptoe’s Yard chic”. I refused to join the ranks of the flatscreen TV brigade until our very big and heavy CRT TV went bang, even when it took 5 minutes for the sound to come on every morning. It worked. It would do.


When you rent, as we do, and as we found out in the last 5 years, you can very happily and eagerly redecorate and get everything just so in the house. Then your landlord can come and put the boot in the whole thing by selling up, or kicking you out. 

Even though we’ve been here for 3 years now, we did decorate to a point but did it cheaply and didn’t mind if we moved. We were nearly doing just that a few months back but the landlord decided not to bother after getting peed off with buyers and the estate dickheads agents who drove us and him mad. 

So, we have kept furniture that was here when we moved in, and it was old. Not old in an antique and chic way. Old in a chip board 80’s MFI nightmare way.

The wardrobes in our room went first when I got hold of a nice painted shabby chic pine set for £20. And then the bed frames that were here and brand new when we came in went as well, as Littlest outgrew his cot and we bought him a bed with drawers and Mini decided that she’d gone off the brand new double bed the Landlord had given us, so we didn’t need to worry the first few nights about putting beds up for the Brats. Earlier this year after I painted her walls again, she decided that she wanted a small bed again. 

All that was left until this week was the old wardrobes in the Brat’s bedrooms. Littlest decided to bugger his a few weeks back by forcing the drawers open, so the middle and bottom ones had sunk. This is down to his “sleep dressing”.

Yes, he doesn’t sleepwalk. He gets up at 3am, and dresses himself. He’s put on shoes as well a few times and got back into bed. It’s only more laughable when you consider he swears blind in daylight hours he cannot get himself dressed.

So, knowing that both were ruining the looks of the rest of the rooms and taking up far too much space, I declared a war on the wardrobes and put the feelers out to my contacts in home clearances (the joys of volunteering in a pop up shop!) and had a good search on Ebay.

I love Ikea things. I find they have all the ease and affordability of MFI in the 80’s without being darn nasty to look at. We have an Expedit cabinet in the living room for the TV and some of Elder’s records, and I have loved Mammut kids stuff for quite a while.

I expected to have to spend about £120 for two Mammut wardrobes on Ebay as they were around that. But, I thought, it’s worth it to demolish the old ones which had started to sway in protest everytime I opened them.

In the end, I bought one double Mammut in pink for Mini- costing £11.51 as the lady had listed it as simply being a kids wardrobe (good Ebay tip that, don’t search for the actual make or maker, search a general term or a misspelling and you’ll often save quite a bit), and a single blue one for Littlest for £30. Bargain!

We also got given a set of Ikea shelving for Elder’s records too, so we actually have space now in the living room as they do tend to take up vast amounts of space on the floor (all 10,000+ of them).

So, with the house taking shape and smartening up, it was time to demolish the old wardrobes.

Mini’s was easy, I unscrewed it, and with a few gentle bangs with a mallet it came apart neatly and safely (bar the two dents in the wall. Opps). 

Littlest’s was the last to go. It didn’t like going either.

It decided to fight back. The doors didn’t want to come off. Nor did the back board or the shelf. It was a pain in the arse. 

It didn’t help that the Brats wouldn’t bugger off downstairs and let me get on with it. Four times I told them to bog off back downstairs and 4 times they went and came back again. Until I found Mini behind me, just as I was at a stage where I was going to knock the swaying wardrobe over to make it collapse. 

I turned round to tell her it wasn’t safe and to go in her room, and I let go of the side I was holding. At which point it collapsed.

But instead of collapsing the way I would have guided it to, safely against the wall, it fell the other way. On my foot. 

Ouch.

Both the sides (the heaviest part) fell on my foot, along with the inner shelves. It bloody well hurt I can tell you. Mini casually wandered off without offering help or to call her Dad up. The little bugger. I had to (whilst swearing) lift the sodding thing off my foot, then hobble to the banister to call Elder up for help.

My foot is swollen, its cut to ribbons and my toe has gone bluey purple with bruising.

I knew I hated those sodding wardrobes. I also thought they weren’t the safest in the world either. But at least they fell on me and not one of the Brats.

I think from now on I may join the ranks of the soft furnishings lover and start buying Ideal Home magazine.

And ditch the old furniture before it fights back!

Advertisements