Is It Just Me: That Thinks The Dictionary Writers Should Twerk Off?

Ah, the English Dictionary, the tome which always had a place on your teachers book shelf, and which was only gotten out at home to settle Scrabble disagreements, has been updated.

See, it’s all gone technical now with an online, free to use version, and as a result it’s updated now fairly regularly. 

The thing is, are there certain pop culture terms which are best left out of it?

In my opinion, yes.

Its the Oxford English Dictionary- the clue is in it’s title. So why oh why every year now do they add Americanisms and even- dare I say it- text speak? 

This year they’ve decided to add “Twerk” to the thing.

Twerk, for those who don’t know, is what that god forsaken talentless fool Miley “Look at me I’m poking out my tongue like I’ve down too much speed” Cyrus is ahem, known for. It’s whereby one stands with their legs bent and wiggles ones ass in time to music. Basically, like a lap dancer minus a chair to gyrate on.

Do we really need to add this “five minute wonder” in? I can imagine in twenty years from now some one using it on Countdown and there being a reminiscent giggle from the crowd. 

Is Miley (or Smiley Virus as she’s known in our house) really well known enough that such a silly term for a stripper dance to warrant a word she’s associated with being added to an English dictionary? 

What’s next, Directioner? Belieber? Surely that;s what the Urban Dictionary was invented for, for flash in the pan, forgotten about ten years on words which we wont be needing in years to come? 

Has the Dictionary gone Chav all of a sudden? 

They’ve also decided to add “selfie” to it, which surely needs no write up but merely a picture of Helen Flanagan and Amanda Bynes doing said self photo, and a link to the definition “car crash”? I would love to write the description for selfie- ” self absorbed photo of insignificant person who is clearly bored so does duck lips for a modicum of attention- see also “Big Brother Contestant””

Please, oh Oxford people who write the new versions, please practice some sense and place words which we actually all use everyday in the book. 

Not one’s used purely to express horror over that show a few days ago.


Dear O2: Please Feck Off Calling Us

I have a mobile phone number, with T-Mobile or whatever they’re called nowadays, which I’ve had for ages. I don’t tend to change my number (or my phone) very often.

Likewise, Elder has had his same number, with Vodaphone, since before we moved to Berkshire. That’s 6 years. He has had it since before Mini was born even. All in all, I think he’s had his number for about 8 years.

Neither of us have ever been with O2.

Not for any specific reason other than I liked that T-Mobile gives me 100 free minutes a month for every tenner I top up. And Vodaphone gives Elder free weekend calls for a tenner too. So, all in all, we don’t spend massively on our phones every month. We email, we chat online, it’s easier.

Which may now leave you wondering why I’m asking O2 to feck off.

Well, for the last 3 weeks, Elder has been getting called, sometimes ten times a day (and night) by O2.

Most times, he answers and they immediately hang up. Other times, it rings twice and stops. But it’s always the same number: 01619023780.

When I ring it back, you get a standard “Hi, this is O2, we called you today, but don’t worry, we’ll call you back again soon”.

And so they do. Again. 

And again.

And again (at night).

You can’t ring them back and actually speak to anyone. 

You don’t get left a message, or sent a text that you could send back with “please stop bloody annoying me I’m not with you and not bloody going to be”.

If o2 are trying to sign people up, then they are hardly going to impress with this annoying level of dropped calls, are they? I’m not going to be impressed with a telecoms company whose telecoms equipment is such they can’t help but drop calls. 

Until they invent one of these that you can play vinyl on, Elder’s not that bothered

I’m not going to change my number, I don’t want an iPhone, a Galaxy, a Note or that phone which has blown people’s houses up.

Elder does not want a contract, he doesn’t text, he has an old person Nokia that he’s only just worked out how to play the radio on. He does not surf on his phone. Nor does he want to.

We don’t bloody want O2.

So, dear O2

Please kindly feck off!

*“Image courtesy of chanpipat /”.

Psychotic About Wand Erection?

Unless you live under a rock, you may have seen the show or at least heard about the Channel 4 documentary, called “Crazy About One Direction” (checks for Simon Cowell threatening a Take Down notice again).

I’m not a fan, I don’t like their music, I don’t find them remotely attractive. 

I, however, was well into Take That back in the nineties. So, I do understand that the band are going to be beloved by girls of a certain age. Teen fandom is as old as The Beatles after all, it’s nothing new. 

What concerned me about the programme wasn’t that the fans made themselves (and I’m sorry, it was the fans involved, not the documentary makers) look like psychos. It wasn’t the lengths they will go to to follow their idols. I wasn’t surprised that, in a social media driven hype world we live in, these sneaky girls (and some guys) use Twitter and Google to find out where the boys are and even what their blood types are. 

What concerned me, as a Mum (who has one 6 year old One Direction liker) was where these girl’s parents were. 
Why were they allowed to go to a random hotel dressed way over their ages and covered in make up? Where were their Mum’s when their young daughters were knocking on random hotel doors with no adult supervision?

Yes, there was a camera crew there filming them, but, if they were showing what they do regularly, then what about the times when these 13 to 17 year olds have gone, dressed up in half of Boots make up counter and dresses up their backsides, around a hotel hoping Liam or Zayn or the others may open their doors?

And what of the girls who said they have driven mad the likes of the boys families (“they think I’m a stalker but I don’t care”), or given death threats to Taylor Swift? Or the one’s who showed off about meeting the boys bands? 

How do these parent’s know what goes on if they allow their daughters to behave in this way? If they are going to hotels and being sucked in that they’ve been chatting to a drummer for the band- what if this is some chancer who sees a pack of screaming girls who are vulnerable, gives them alcohol and then sweet talks them with promises? 

It kind of harps back to the roadie meeting groupies back in the 70s, but in a nastier way as its young girls.

To my mind, as a Mum and former boy band fan (although the most we did was wear out our Pray VHS), I would have to ask why these girls are allowed to sit in these fantasy worlds, fueled by competition, jealousy of others who get close (did you see the girl’s face when the pink haired stalker one showed her cam phone pictures of her with the boys? If looks could kill sprang to mind) and Twitter? Why are their parents not saying “enough is enough”, removing the mobile phones and net connections and actually policing these kids?

Where is the parental responsibility we used to have imposed?

I don’t doubt, as has been screamed by the lesser psycho variant of fan, they aren’t all like this (my daughter certainly isn’t. I banned her listening to the shite if she got that way), but if there are those allowed to write pornographic gay stories around two members (such is their desire for no girl to touch them), or go so far as to have braces purely to copy their preferred member, the parents involved need to hang their heads in shame and ask themselves what mind they had allowing their child to behave in such a way on screen?

Channel 4 have no doubt woken up to their worst nightmare, as within minutes trending topics sprung up to distance some fans from others. Channel 4 have had to send a message to certain fans who are making threats to others, the documentary makers and other non-Direction fans. Beilibers have come out in support of god knows which side, and some fans are sick enough to lie that a number of fans (the Larry Shipper gay story maker ones) have committed suicide- although none have been confirmed, anywhere between 19 and 42 are supposed to have killed themselves down to the show, and although I don’t believe a word of it, many fans do and are running with it as a way of “pitch forking” channel 4 for showing them in a less than polite fashion.

I do agree perhaps the show could have shown the fans who are a little less mental as a balanced view, but I don’t doubt they would’ve been hard pressed to find any. I feel that showing the very worst was justified, purely to warn parent’s to keep control of their kids. It certainly made me wonder what my own daughter may get up to online in the future.

Yes, we live in a world of gadgets and freedom from a younger age, but we just need to take a step back, click through the kids history, and sit them down and chat about their behaviour online. Freedom should not mean “two tweets away from Police action”, after all.