The Real Housewives Of Social Media

Yes, I know, I’m actually admitting my guilty secret here: I am addicted to watching Real Housewives on ITV2. It’s not the best show to hold up to prove I’m not an airhead, but at least I haven’t gone the whole hog and started watching Jeremy Kyle. I do watch Knots Landing though- it reminds me of when I was a kid and Nicollette Sheridan had her original face. 

The more I watch it though, the more I feel I could make a fortune pitching a version of the show based around blogging and social media.

Why? Well here we are:


The One Who Is Meant to Be the Baddie But Is actually Quite Sensible

You know the type. Often taken the wrong way by flash decisions, this social media user is actually quite passionate about what they do and yes, whilst they do go off on one like a firework through a letterbox, when you sit down and weigh it up they aren’t quite as bad as they seem. Often seen on Twitter, but at their most comfy with their mates in a Facebook group.

The One You’re Always Jealous of But Admit to Admiring

The one you’re most likely to admire but be jealous of is the social media lover whose life just seems damn perfect. From their perfectly well behaved children, to their perfect home, this person owns Instagram and loves to show pics of her perfect family in their pristine Boden linen outfits, walking through fields with their dog and doing crafty stuff. Their white sofa never has a mark on it, they bake and make everything from scratch. Basically they make you look around your home at the mess, the hand marks on the sofa, the dirt all over the kids clothes and your husband and his paunch and want to cry.

The One Who Never Sleeps

No matter what time of day or night, you can bet this social media addict will be online in some capacity. They blog three times a day, Instagram everything, and pin as many E Cards as they can find. You have no idea how they can be online all the time, but dare not ask, imaging they may turn to dust if anyone asks how they are up for the 102nd straight hour.

The Actual Tech Geek

Sometimes these girls are great, like for sorting out your pesky html error code or finding the best collage maker. Other times, the sheer amazingness of their blog compared to your tired stitched together one annoys the hell out of you. 

The I Know Best Old Timer

Can always be found telling the rest of us how much better things would be without reviews, and how it was better in the pure old days when it was blogging for bloggings sake. Even though us other old timers know they also used to do reviews. 

The Twitter Newbie

They have no idea how Twitter works, they have followed whoever twitter tells them to, and now they sit, watching their feed move with no idea what to do next. We sympathise with them for their naivety, but we also wish for the days when we were new and didn’t sit down for a quick look on the way to making breakfast at 8.30am, only to still be sitting having twelve conversations at once at 1pm.

The Wise One

They embody all the best bits of Social Media, without the annoying “make you feel stabby” bits. They always have the best linkys, memes, twitter parties and advice, and when you mention them everyone’s immediate response is “Oh she’s lovely”. 

The “Patty Simcox of Social Media”

The one who is constantly on a campaign for one thing or another, without ever really knowing why. Not to be confused with genuine do gooders who support a charity or campaign for the right reason, they do it for one reason- stats. Does it work? No. They @ celebs constantly who never reply (bar that one time Richard Madeley followed them for ten minutes). They unfollow you for not putting a twibbon on your avatar then refollow on the next round of charitable campaigning. They are the nets version of the High Street Chugger.

The DM Lover

Nice to your face but an utter bitch to everyone about everyone else via DM. You may think she’s your best mate, in fact she’s probably the biggest troll that ever walked, and may even pretend to be you to cause you untold trouble on networks you’ve never even joined. Why? Simple- she’s a bored housewife with nowt better to do. 

So, which one do you recognise? Who would you add to the cast? Let me know in the comments below.

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