When we think of Christmas time (and it’s OK, I’ve been out on the razz with the Year 3 Mums for Christmas so now its not too early to mention it anymore), we think of
large quantities of gin fun, laughter and cheesy tunes.
I have lots of Now and self made CDs full of the likes of Slade, Wizzard and even, badly enough East 17. All of them either crack you up with the opportunity to sing along or with the cringing of your youth where you wanted a furry hooded puffa jacket like Tony Mortimers (for shame).
What you don’t want is the kind of song that leaves you crying into your mulled wine.
So, why,why the Simon Cowell, have we suddenly decided to put a folk edge on some of the top tunes we all know and love?
It was bad enough when The Power of Love, one of the most epic love songs ever was given some wishy washy, nondescript “remix” by Gabrielle Aplin. I can do a very good impression of her version, especially after a few glasses of Pinot Grigio. Think (if you are old enough to remember it) of when Vic Reeves used to do his “jazz” version of a song and you’re halfway there.
Then we have the abomination of Bieber stealing Mariah’s songs. Eugh. Even worse than his peroxide do. Mini has the Bieber’s Christmas CD and I may or may not have hidden it behind her chest of draws.
Now, we have the folk do over of Stay Another Day. Shudders.
I loved East 17 in my mid teens. They sang very rude songs (as my parent’s found out when it was my turn to play my new CD album of their’s called Steam. I was banned from playing it in earshot of anyone else ever again). They wore baggy dungarees. They had a cute dog.
When they followed the usual boy band route to Christmas Number 1 (back in the days before the X Factor ruined it for everyone with the predictability of the winners song reaching the top spot) with the, truly heartfelt Stay Another Day, us fans waved our arms in the air along to Top of the Pops (we weren’t old enough for lighters but we so would have used them if we’d been old enough).
But now Chvrches (who? Am I wrong but surely churches is spelt with a U?) have, supposedly cleverly done a new version on live lounge. Its shit. It has taken all the depth out of the song. And its hard to suggest that a song by someone else who are copying East 17, lacks depth. After all, one thing East 17 were not was Deep (apart from their top ten hit of the same name).
Please. Put down the back catalogue, and let us enjoy our traditional cheese and sing a long greats. Please stop remaking them. We need cheese for when someone inevitably has a few too many and sings at the Office party. You can’t do that to a crap folk version.
Take your hands off our traditional songs and let us eat, drink and dance to silly lyrics. They make you smile. They make us happy (unless you are Elder, who is not a fan of most cheese Christmas or otherwise).
The only song not allowed to be jolly at Christmas is I Believe in Father Christmas by Greg Lake, and thats OK, cos its the drunk at Christmas version of House of the Rising Sun.
Leave the damn songs alone and be miserable and wishy washy elsewhere.