God Save the Queen? Not Bloody Likely If Its For a Jolly

Ah, the Queen. Lover of pastel, wearer of the type of bling that every Jeremy Kyle guest would give their right arm to pawn at Cash Converters.

It seems our clever Monarch has taken a step forward tech and social media wise since her first tweet last year, discovering Crowd Funding.

Why would she need this most modern of fund raising I hear you ask, she’s hardly short of a few pence is she.

Her Madge wants to hold a big concert to celebrate being the longest serving Monarch on September 9th. It seems the Queen is a bit miffed that no one has officially offered to organise any fanfare for this epic event in British history (you know, as we’re all far too concerned with trivial matters like ISIS, the Greek crisis and the fact the Tories are back trying to peddle ever more poverty for the normal classes amongst us).

So bless her, she has used her PC to ask for donations towards the eye wateringly staggering £65,000 it would cost for the O2 to host the shindig. She wanted and no doubt believed she would easily get us plebs to cough up by July 22nd, after all, she’s the Queen. She could chop our heads orf in the Tower if she decided to back peddle on the whole ancient change to that law.

How much has Lizzie managed to get so far?

Go on, have a guess. All of it? Most of it? Nope.


Yes, that’s right, she has been donated £15. Even Charles hasn’t dipped into his Gilt Piggy Bank and offered a couple of pounds.

Not even Gary “Chasing a Knighthood so obviously it hurts” Barlow has done the honours.


Poor old Elizabeth will not be going to that particular ball so it would seem. All she has to look forward to (apart from decent healthcare the second she so much as sneezes, loads of cash, holidays whenever the mood takes her and David Cameron coming in to discuss politics (bad times), not to mention two sodding birthdays) is a projection onto the Houses of Parliament saying “For Queen and Country” (which you know is in no way as impressive as when Loaded did the same with a naked photo of Gail Porter in the mid nineties).

Bad times indeed.

Here’s a thought. Why not pay for it yourself your Majesty? We’d all be mightily impressed if you did, after all, your younger family are trying to make us all feel they are one of us and more in tune with the rest of the population (Wills even called Kate his Missus the other day).

Whilst the words of the National Anthem may indeed be “God Save the Queen”, I don’t think your current interpretation of it is quite what the original songwriter had in mind.

Why not ask Princess Anne, she’s brilliant at saving money, some of her clothes are older than me and she still rocks those threads with ease.

We should of course mark the ocassion, but perhaps the better option is a National Holiday so we can all go down the pub contemplate what you’ve brought to the country for all these years.

And leave the Crowdfunding to those who really do need the extra help.