The Real Crazy Summer Parenting Tip I Live By (Which Everyone Else Won’t Tell You)

OK, so I have something a little different for you today. I am writing this post for Britmums and Anchor (just a little disclosure for you there) but it’s not an advert so don’t all give me the stink eye please.

It’s scarily near to the dreaded 6 weeks holiday (in fact some of you may already have the holidays with you), and, as much as I love my two to bits, my God, they drive me crackers.

I have never been one of those parents who have to get the hankies out when they march back into school, more I’m reaching for them as the vast stretch of six weeks of moaning, eating me out of house and home, more moaning, fighting, more moaning, and bankruptcy looms.

Unless they have something to do for 23 out of 24 hours a day for the entire holiday, they will just bitch at me, or, worse, each other. They are so close in age but very different, and despite it being summer, in which case I will open the back door and send them out to play with water pistols, footballs, and chalks, the weather will always pee down for a good chunk.

So, what can you do when you’ve heard all the shouts of “MUUUUUUUMMMMMMM!!!!” you can physically take before you reach for the gin and have the authorities on your back whilst you rock in a corner?


2014: the only time in a six week holiday when my two have been near any peace…..

In my house, I do one very simple thing that you too can join me in.

Do you have a shed?

If you don’t have a shed, you have a loo.

Make sure the kids aren’t actually about to harm each other, tell them that Mummy has a chore to do in the garden (for the shed bound) or needs the loo, and walk out to your chosen spot.

Once there, shut the door.

Make sure no child is in the vicinity- or neighbours- for the loo this can be hard as my two have a cute habit of banging constantly on the door in dire need of it the second I need to use it.

Then, if indoors turn on the taps to dull what you will do next:

Take a breath, and shout a swear word, as loud as you dare.

Take another breath.

Now, that feels better doesn’t it?

Its pretty frowned upon to swear at our little cherubs, of course, but my goodness you get close to it sometimes. It’s normal to feel like you cannot understand how that little bundle of joy has turned into a screaming, hitting, food stealing, pen on the walls drawing nightmare.

However, even the maddest of situations can be dealt with simply by having a minute to breathe.

Swearing loudly optional, of course.