All That Glitters, And Why The Internet Has Gone TOO Far.

The end is nigh people, the end is freaking nigh. I am calling it now, heard it here first, the internet has gone Too.Bloody. Far.

I logged into Facebook this morning, nothing unusual there, I grant you, and scrolled through my feed.

I tend to be up an hour before the rest of my household, as I like to have that golden hour of peace before the kids get up (and one of them, inevitably, will wake up in a foul mood- this morning it was Mini) and I have to run round like a madwoman until they’re safely ensconced in school and I can sit down quietly after 9am.

There is always some daft story or other on the old Facebook feed, usually courtesy of Lad Bible or Buzzfeed.

However, this link was too much. It has gone too far. And now the net needs to be stopped, or go back to the very early days of dial up and no daft social media bar Bebo and questionable MySpace pages.

Etsy.

Etsy is something which I have heard of, I have seen over priced tat being pro-offered on top lists of must haves for people who love hedgehogs on Buzzfeed. I’ve never knowingly bought anything which is actually for sale on Etsy, usually as the tat I’ve seen online is usually available cheaper elsewhere anyway.

I understand you can get all manner of “out there” stuff on Etsy though. Its like one of those outsider arts and crafts things that Maidenhead council uses when shops naff off, but with the added bonus of not having to leave the house.

Yet now, some bright spark, using what can only be described as a weird sense of what its OK to invent and thus sell to other weird people  has invented the most pointless, ridiculous and damn right rank thing I’ve ever clapped eyes on.

Tablets.

Tablets, with glitter inside.

Tablets, with glitter inside, that mean you can poop glitter.

For shits sake.

I have no issue with people weird enough to fulfill some Disney like fantasy of crapping out glitter dumps. Really, I don’t.

I don’t strictly get it and have to wonder why they can’t just be amused playing Candy Crush or reading a shampoo bottle like the rest of us.

But what, pray tell, does one do once one has glitter bombed in the pan?

Is the buyer going to ask the family in to view their shiny turds?  What would be the point otherwise of spending money on these?

Possibly the most worrying aspect is they are advertised as a great buy for Christmas. Are we expected to decorate the tree with it? Or sing Christmas carols round the toilet? Not since Mr Skanky The Christmas Poo from South Park went to number one have I ever seen such a strange Christmas tie in.

The mind truly boggles.

It boggles further when you find out they cost close to a fiver a tablet. As joke gifts go, it’s pretty bloody hefty of price tag.

I would worry about what happens once you ingest these and they obviously unleash glitter in your innards. I can’t see the glitter settling well, and what about the toxins from the plastic and dye?

Can we just please stop now Internet. Please?

I’m all for social media, for talking to folks, hell I love the net so much I’m getting my own online radio show at Radioactive FM UK very soon.

But glittery Christmas shit?

I guess you can polish a turd after all…..

 

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