Mini and the Christmas List of Hilarity

Ah, Mini.

God love her.

If one day my daughter is not rich and famous I shall be very surprised. Looking at her Christmas list, which appeared as if by magic overnight on the fridge door, she’ll need a considerable amount of wealth.

Mini went off, with Littlest, to her Aunt’s house this weekend. They had a great time, seeing the panto and feeding swans over in Windsor, and it meant a nice bit of peace for us too.

So, I was quite surprised that, having been here over this weekend from 3.30 on Sunday, she had time to put together her list of must haves.

They are, as follows, in the order in which she put them (spelling mistakes are her own)

  • New Ballet Costume

Now, this I could see coming. I have to mention straight away that Mini does not have ballet lessons, as you would assume from the item being on the list. No, Mini is entirely “self taught”. She is never happier than when “doing her ballet” as a “performance” to whatever musical medium we are playing at the time. Be it Funky House or prog rock, she is quite happy to jump and spin round the dining room.

  • Temple of Air Jitsu Lego

Mini has become a massive fan of Ninjago, a Lego TV tie in about Ninja’s looking for some such nonsense or other. It started off as something Littlest liked and through the process of him watching this or Pokemon during the school holidays she got into it too. I like Lego toys, I had a selection as a kid, back when it was either a decent box of different coloured bricks, or Lego City which was more expensive. I had the former cheaper option but enjoyed making houses and penguins from it throughout the holidays.  The set that Mini (and Littlest) wants though is way over the £150 mark. Ridiculous. That and it will cause arguments as they won’t be able to work out how to set it up, and then bits will be lost too.

  • Dolls House Furniture
  • The Game of Life

No idea why she wants this, it’s like she read my Christmas list between 1988 and 1993. I’m not even sure they still advertise it?

  • Treehouse

We have no tree in our garden, or at least none whereby you could put a treehouse in it, we have a big old wobbly fir tree but it’s a) not ours and b) wobbly. I blame the Simpsons for this list item.

  • Books
  • Chalk

No idea why she wants chalk? We have a bucket in the kitchen of it. She has forgotten I bought it.

  • Clothes and Shoes

In Mini speak, this means “please may I have 95% of the current offering across the girl’s department of Primark and H&M”?

  • Stuff from Lush

She is still driving me crackers on the whole pinching my bath stuff, my make up and my perfume. She forgets she is 9 going on 10, not 18. See also the make up listed further down.

  • My ears pierced

Not a chance. There is more chance of her getting that bloody Lego set for £150 than there is her getting those done. I still think she’s too young, and anyway, they are banned outright at her school.

  • Make up
  • pencil case
  • Staitionary (written as she per her list)
  • A handwriting pen

This one is down to her getting enough Golden Handwriting tickets to mean she gets a Berol red Handwriting pen. She has been after one since September, and has joined 14 others in her class who have won one.

  • Pads of paper
  • a laptop and phone

Ha! No chance Mini. She had a very nice Nokia Lumia. Which she broke, having an argument over putting it away to do her homework and basically throwing it in a fit of angst at her dad, who promptly didn’t catch it and thus, crash. As for laptop, mine is getting a big black line across the screen from dead pixels, so she’ll get one when I get one (in about two years by my usual reckoning)

  • Colouring books
  • Money

The last bit of her list is the most hilarious. She starts off with £45 written with a crossed out line through it. She then put “£100 would be nice”.

As I said, I hope she’s rich when she’s older, because if I buy her everything on her list between now and when she leaves home, I shall be broke and in need of a loan from her!

We’re yet to have a formal list of wants from Littlest yet, but all he’s mentioned so far is Pokemon, Ninjago and Beast Quest books, so will be a happy chappy with those.

When I was a kid, I was much more reserved, although I do recall taking a felt tip pen to the Argos catalogue. I think I knew though that however many times I hopefully circled a Mr Freeze maker or a Yellow Teapot family, I wouldn’t be getting them. I certainly didn’t ask for make up or money until I was well into my mid teens.

9 is clearly the new 14 if my tween is anything to go by.

What is on your kids lists this year? Let me know in the comments.

And remember to tune in to on Wednesday between 12-2pm (UK time) for Lunchtime Live, where this week I want to know what your favourite Kids Tv Theme tune was. You can join in using the hashtag #RadioactivefmUK or by following me on twitter @TheLazyGirlBlog or @Radioactive_fm


The Leaving Book: Update

For those asking on Twitter and Facebook, the book did indeed get signed.

Elder had a chat to the Head, who was baffled, and who over ruled the tit who had an issue with me and my family being not middle class enough for them  it (although the fact they were too lazy to do a book themselves, heard about it, then moaned says it all for their intelligence level frankly).

It did exactly what I wanted it to do, the book. It stopped Mini being as upset as she would have been had she not had some, absolutely lovely, messages from her closest mates to distract her. 

What I found sad was how few of anyone grown up actually said good bye or good luck, bar the few who have always just been damn normal human beings who chatted to us regardless. The type who don’t look over your shoulder while they chat to you. The type who don’t foist their opinions on you about stuff that has nothing to do with them.

The thing is, with that school, Mini has had it leave two types of mark on her. The first is very happy memories of her close pals, who she will undoubtedly miss, and who, via the medium of giving out our number to a chosen few, she and Littlest will hopefully still keep in contact with. She has passed exams, she is a clever kid, as is Littlest, despite being written off by a few who failed to look beyond his illnesses and his time off school. 

To be fair, exams don’t fuss me at this age. They are hardly likely to go for an interview one day and have someone say that down to not passing an exam when they are six they can’t follow their dreams. Exams, by design are more to see how good the teachers are teaching, not how clever my children are.

However, that said, the fact Littlest passed his phonics screening felt like a massive achievement for him, bearing in mind how at the beginning of the year, down to him being kept behind for months and thus being half a year behind his peers,(something we felt bullied into)  he was written off straight away and given books with no words despite being more than able to read and write at home.

The sad, and second mark Mini has is of being bullied and it falling on deaf ears.

This one child made not just her life hell but most of her class and a few in the other classes too. No matter how many times I tried to get others to go as a group to complain, no one else could be bothered. They were quick enough to sign up for making cakes and helping with trips, something which no doubt made them look good. It made me mad and baffled that women who would berate each other, and who were so competitive when it came to their kids, so forceful of them doing educational stuff, would happily allow one kid to make their lives appalling. Are their kids nothing but show off material to them?

I was thus on my own when it came to the battle to stop Mini coming home with bruises and scrapes and the damage it caused to her confidence. Even when not at school, she would bring the child involved up. And woe betide telling the school you wanted to speak to his dead behind the eyes Mother, apparently that was deemed unacceptable too.

I doubt its all schools, in fact I know its not, but sometimes I think certain parent’s and their wishes outweigh others. Its such an outdated way to run things, were X child gets preferential treatment due to his Mum’s involvement in the PTA, and Y child is over looked time and time again. It was the same with the Leavers assembly yesterday, same old faces doing the readings, rest of the kids may as well not exist. Maybe its a church school thing? I don’t know!

It should be a case that each child and parent is treated on an equal footing, and I hope (and from spending time with the new school and the welcoming attitude received on Facebook on asking a local group what the school is like) that that is the new schools way.

It certainly wasn’t that way at their old school, and I was far from the only, ignored by the staff and the snobs who felt they run things there, parent to voice anger at the running of the school.

That said, not everyone in our old town is a snotty idiot with too much time on their hands. We have some great mates we made over our time there. These are the people that made life bearable, the like minded people who liked us for who we were, not what they thought we were. 

You cannot at any point favour one over others, and I was never in the position of asking for that to happen. It was a sodding book, with about 8 pictures in, that made a 7 year old leaving everything she knows behind, happy.

And at the end of the day, what type of individual would deny that? 

***And in a rare move for me, comments are closed down to a persistent troll. Who will be reported to the necessary online people if need be **** 

Dear So and So…It’s Been a While

I know it’s Wednesday and traditionally one is meant to partake of Dear So and So notes on a Friday, but well, I need to write some.

Dear Mini.

Sweetheart, do you realise the untold joy I had when I found out that I was to get my very own living dolly to dress up to make up for not playing with dolls as a kid have you? I imagined shopping trips, nail bar visits, and girl related laughs at films like Clueless and the like from my youth. 

It has started so well. I like watching you watching me when I am brushing my hair, or putting on my make up, taking notes from future reference. I like that we have girly days over to Slough on the train, and trips to the coffee shop. I quite enjoyed our help when I was dying my hair (and no, you still can’t nick the leftovers, no matter how cute you are or how many “but Perrie from Little Mix has it” excuses you give me).

I also love your individuality when it comes to having an opinion on what you wear, whilst not being bratty about it. Or not often anyway.

Until today. When I asked my Mini Fashionista, you who usually offers positivity on whatever I wear, even my “childish” moustache Nerd pyjamas, about a trouser suit I am eBay stalking for a posh event I’m off to. 

And you turned around and told me how you “utterly and absolutely actually hate that and don’t think you should ever wear it, ever”. 

You know, whilst I love your honesty, I would prefer it had you just said, “you know what Mummy, perhaps not, perhaps that dress you had for Aunties 50th but didn’t wear cos you bought that other one that ended up nearly flashing your boobs all evening”. But no. You just told me exactly what you think in a manner that joan Rivers would have saluted you for.

I do love you though sweetheart. 

Love Mummy, off to eat Jaffa Cakes to console myself 

Dear Littlest

Oh you are a one you.

From your ability to steadfastly refuse to read in front of your teacher, despite being able to do so at home, to your superhuman strength of knowing exactly what network is on what channel and what number it happens to be, you really do make me laugh.

And silently cry when you act like a bugger down to your meds. But thats cool

But please, my love, the new show you love. Its Phineas and Ferb.

Not, as you keep calling it, despite me telling you constantly, Penis and Ferb.

Why would a TV network call a programme after a willy? 

By the way, while you’re reading (or Mini is if you are refusing to), it was very cute how afraid you were of the storm. I’ve never seen you run in my bed quite like that and hide under my armpit before. Was sweet.

Love you too Baby


Dear Elder

I have had that flu too. I still didn’t go to bed though.

Man flu.

Get better soon though.

Love me

Dear Storm

You suck. I couldn’t get to London.

Bog off and annoy someone else next time


What are your notes this week? Let me know below 🙂 

Comic Relief: What’s in My Bag?

I love Comic Relief, and have done for many years- it started when I was three, and I look back fondly on campaigns like The Stonk amongst others. There was always something daft you could do for Comic Relief, and happily, there still is.

As my regular readers will know, I also love any excuse to own a new bag. So, when Comic Relief asked me to take part in a “What’s in My bag” post using their rather nifty, Emma Bridgewater designed, shopper bag, it would have been rude not to.

What I didn’t factor in to the testing of the bag was Mini.

You see, my lovely daughter has inherited my passion for handbags, and the second it popped through the letterbox, well, that was that- she had pinched it!

So, this isn’t so much what’s in my bag, but Mini’s!

Tuesday is Mini’s swimming day at school, and she likes to change bag regularly.  Not because she has to, but because she wants to. 

She needs a bag roomy enough to fit in a towel, swim suit, swim cap and goggles, which is splash proof and which has room to put her uniform in when she’s in the pool. She doesn’t like zips or buttons, and velcro is a pest for her as she never manages to shut it properly. Of course, something bright and eye catching is a must too for any fashionista aged nearly 6.

The Emma Bridgewater bag fits the bill as it is bright and colourful (with “Roll Up For Comic Relief” on it as well as the obligatory red nose too), there are no fussy zips and its a lovely size too.

So, my bag is no longer for me, it has been claimed for swimming!

If you’d like to Roll Up For Comic Relief, you can find a selection of Emma Bridgewater designed homewares and your own Bag For Life like Mini’s at TK Maxx and HomeSense Stores throughout the UK.

The money raised will all help Comic Relief to continue the much needed work they have been doing since 1985, helping those less fortunate than us in Africa.

The Bag costs £9.99, with at least £4 going straight to where its needed.

You can find out more and view the whole range at TK Maxx or Homesense online.

What on Earth Are They teaching in School These Days?

I  am despairing of my children’s education right now.

Mini is now in Year 1, and to be fair I kind of expected the “playing all day and generally not doing a lot” to be over. Except I now wonder what it is she actually does all day.

She brings home, most weeks, about 5 bits of homework. This includes a list of 6 words for a spelling test (and we’re not talking two and three letter words, but 4, 5 and 6 letter words), a hand writing practice sheet, a maths sheet and a topic sheet- so whatever they are currently learning about in history or geography, they’ll have a sheet or two on this. They also have a drawing activity, and another list of words the teacher wants them to memorise from them not quite sounding them out enough during guided reading. 

They have two books per week for Guided Reading (and woe betide you as a parent if you don’t read one or the other every night), and a list of websites that you might like to look at too (again, woe betide you if you don’t bother).

The holidays made me laugh. Each week, the homework book has the list of websites you can look at, plus a little message from the teacher to you. You also have to tick a box of whether you helped them a bit, a lot or not at all 
(although surely there should be a “I did it myself whilst my child watched Tree Fu Tom” box?). In the Half Term message, we were told how well the children had all done in term one, and how they all deserved a rest. 

It then went on to list the 7 pieces of homework to do in the holiday. What happened to having a rest?

What concerns me is not that they get this homework (although what is her teacher doing all day?) its the level of it. Half the time it’s not even marked. 

I worry that Mini and her mates might be left behind. Don’t get me wrong, she doesn’t need a lot of help with her homework, its more to do with her feeling that she has been at school all day, its boring and now she wants to watch Brainiac instead, not do more work. Which is pretty much how I felt when I got homework (at secondary school, I hasten to add, not in the Infants), except I wanted to watch Grange Hill.

She had a whole year last year of “playing through learning”. Or “playing on trikes and in sand boxes all day before coming home covered in paint” as I like to call it. They didn’t do the whole sit down at a table and pick up a pen and write thing, so now, she can just about recognise certain words, she can have a go at writing them, and she is just starting to get the hang of reading, but spelling tests and joined up writing seems a step too far.

I was also quite surprised that the school decided to ignore both Children In Need (despite most kids in the country going to school in  their pajamas) and Remembrance Day, but they did learn about Diwali. 

Before you all do the “grr” face at me, its great that they learn about diverse cultures. I’d just that I’d also like her to learn about her own culture too. Bar learning about Guy Fawkes, they have covered Australia, China, India, and New Zealand up until now. 

It makes you question whether schools are almost afraid to cover Remembrance Sunday? Mini sat and listened as I told her in 5 year old friendly terms, why we all wear a poppy, and I read her a famous war poem too. She didn’t get upset, she didn’t have nightmares. She went off and wrote her own poem for Class News Time. Which her teacher then didn’t let her read. 

Now, today, we have her looking through my cook books, and she asked if she could have some “real” fish, not “made fish by shops”.

I tried hard not to but I did laugh. She thinks that only some fish comes from the sea or any form of water. She then thinks the shops “make” their version of fish for everyone else. I went to the trouble of planting a veggie patch in the summer after she told me she thought spuds and veg come from Tesco.

Is school all about playing and less about traditional learning? Does your 5 year old get homework and do you do it with them or for them?