WTF May? WTAF?

For fuck sake.

The country has gone bloody mad in the last few days.

Usually, after an election, you get the calm after the storm of electioneering. You either feel hopeful as your chosen party got in, or a bit miffed they didn’t.

Now after Thursday, I’m even more angry than I was before it, before Cameron resigned, before all of it.

I know the Conservatives are a bunch of morally bankrupt, self serving arseholes, but never have I ever encountered a leader who would go so far to fuck us all in more ways than we ever felt possible than Theresa, Fucking Idiot, May.

Yes, I am aware that I am waving a metaphorical pitch fork here, call me anti feminist to slag off my fellow female if you please.

But I can’t be the only one to suggest that at this point, the only thing us females have in common with her is a vagina?

Yes, she did “win” the election, but not in the way she set out to- she herself said that if she missed a majority by 6 seats, she would immediately resign. She missed that majority by more than that and she’s still littering up the place with her dodgy helmet hair and her questionable taste in clothing.

But now, to ramp up the fun times that she seems to think we all need so desperately, she’s decided to completely screw up Northern Ireland into the bargain, for shits and giggles.

Now, I don’t doubt that the same bunch of you who had no clue about the finer points of the batshit craziness that is Northern Irish politics and the history of the aptly named “troubles” and thus felt it fine to call Corbyn a “Terrorist Sympathiser” (you know, I can’t quite think who spent two years calling him that, can’t think at all… cough Theresa May cough) before the election may not quite understand the horror that her signing up with the DUP brings.

I also don’t doubt that, if Jeremy had of linked up with the DUP, the shit he would have quite rightly received would have been unreal.

These are not nice people.

We may have been 20 years into the Good Friday Peace Agreement. But after at least a hundred years of very violent unrest and atrocities on both sides, 20 years is simply not long enough. We’re talking the foundations have been made but they’re still laid on sand and liable to collapse.

When Kensington and Chelsea, and other constituencies votes (cough, Amber Rudd and the questionable 300) had to be recounted several times last week, we were all raising our eyes and asking how hard can it be to count some crosses. In Northern Ireland, it’s the norm to stop people going and showing their displeasure by shooting someone.

The DUP was started by Ian Paisley Snr, and it wasn’t started with the same scruples and good faith as the SNP in Scotland. Paisley was more than aware that the Ulster paramilitaries (erm, can I be the first to say I hate that term, we don’t call ISIS “paramilitaries” they are fucking terrorists pure and simple) were going around and killing innocent people, he was a disgusting human being who turned a blind eye to the shit that was going down in his parties name.

And yes, so were Sinn Fien. They were all reprehensible. I don’t doubt those who are still alive amongst them or who have been raised to believe the troubles were a legitimate political statement and fight, don’t still harbor the same dangerous views.

Which is why despite Northern Ireland still being very much part of the Great British political map, they are several decades behind us in terms of how we live, what our politicians do and so forth.

And yes, it is hard to imagine politicians worse than those in Central Government, but how about, oh, I dunno, one’s who are vocally opposed to Homosexuality?

Vocally opposed to the point it is normal for these politicians to voice it in the press and live on TV that homosexuality is a “disease” and means those who practice it are “perverts”.

Via @LGBTLabour on Twitter

Are we keeping score here- shooting people for disagreeing on political points based on religion and a border- good!

Loving someone who just so happens to be the same sex as you- disgusting and bad!

As for women’s rights- what rights? Women still, still in 2017, have to travel over to the UK if they wish to exercise their right to choose not to be a parent. Now, I don’t like the idea of abortion, we do have contraceptives over here which are easy to pick up along with your salad and ice cream in the supermarket. BUT I am not so off as to suggest it’s anyone’s right to have one other than the woman having it, and doubt it’s ever an easy decision.

In the whole women’s rights and anti LGBT thing they may as well be Islamic Extremists frankly as they seem to have so much in common with them.

What is their view of what we should on LGBT? Throw them off a building? How very progressive of them.

It would be funny if it wasn’t so immediately true and about to be in our own bloody political chambers.

And what of the aforementioned Sinn Fein?

Part of the Good Friday agreement was that no party from either side would have more sway in Westminster than the other. In fact, Westminster was to stay neutral between the two sides at all times. This was a fundamental keystone of the signing of the agreement (that Corbyn helped forge- just thought I’d remind you of that one again).

So what will happen if the DUP do shore up May’s woeful minority government?

Sinn Fein are, quite rightly, going to wave that agreement aloft and ask what the bloody fuck May and the Conservatives think they’re bloody up to.

Already, the DUP are suggesting that a key change they wish to chuck through is a resurgence in the Orange Parade marches, especially through Drum Crae.

Again, most of you probably wont know why this is such a contentious issue. You wont remember the violence that followed, the days of unrest, the Police wagons on fire and the kids who had to be kept home from their school for fear of being caught in crossfire or because a bomb had been found in a bush next to their school.

What a lovely vision of Britain in 2017.

This is all stuff that has bubbled under, waiting to explode. We all thought the country had gone mad during the London riots a couple of summers ago. That was a few days of divs with heatstroke looking for an excuse to rob some Huaraches in the name of Political freedom, or some shit, innit.

Imagine that all the freaking time, throughout your childhood, into your teens, following you to the pubs (that you can’t go in certain ones or you’ll be beaten (at best) or killed (at worst), into who you choose to fall in love with (can’t be a proddie if you’re Catholic and vice versa) and right up until death. Walls everywhere, Police and Troops with guns, check points, houses burned down, you name it, this wasn’t a vision of Kabul, or Syria or Iraq. It was and could well be again down to May Northern Ireland.

The big concrete barriers that have returned to our streets recently due to a wave of Islamic Terrorism. Ever wondered why its said they have returned? It’s because at the height of the Troubles, we too used to have bombings and shootings. Coded warnings which either turned out to be nothing, or worse, something appalling. We had them then too.

I see a Northern Ireland until last week that was growing, that was getting better. Tourism was beginning to pick up- I don’t recall adverts for Northern Irish stays as a kid but they were growing in number. And so they should- it’s a beautiful part of the world.

Sinn Fein are already saying that they are sending representatives to Westminster as early as today to voice their strong opposition to this link up.

At a time when we all know how many of May’s party- herself included- voted to oppose rights for the LGBT community- it is vital that May does the right thing for once and resigns.

The very fact she went to ask the Queen’s permission to form a Government with the DUP before actually finalizing any such talks or agreement alone means she should be forced to go. I mean, she already shows no respect to the electorate, her party or Corbyn, but to dark off Liz? Off with her head I say.

Whether that means another bloody election or Corbyn taking his rightful place at the Westminster table, I’m down with either right now.

Anything that doesn’t mean a bunch of backward, outdated, actual Terrorist Sympathisers getting any form of political platform has to be better for Northern Ireland, for Westminster and for us all.