God Save the Queen? Not Bloody Likely If Its For a Jolly

Ah, the Queen. Lover of pastel, wearer of the type of bling that every Jeremy Kyle guest would give their right arm to pawn at Cash Converters.

It seems our clever Monarch has taken a step forward tech and social media wise since her first tweet last year, discovering Crowd Funding.

Why would she need this most modern of fund raising I hear you ask, she’s hardly short of a few pence is she.

Her Madge wants to hold a big concert to celebrate being the longest serving Monarch on September 9th. It seems the Queen is a bit miffed that no one has officially offered to organise any fanfare for this epic event in British history (you know, as we’re all far too concerned with trivial matters like ISIS, the Greek crisis and the fact the Tories are back trying to peddle ever more poverty for the normal classes amongst us).

So bless her, she has used her PC to ask for donations towards the eye wateringly staggering £65,000 it would cost for the O2 to host the shindig. She wanted and no doubt believed she would easily get us plebs to cough up by July 22nd, after all, she’s the Queen. She could chop our heads orf in the Tower if she decided to back peddle on the whole ancient change to that law.

How much has Lizzie managed to get so far?

Go on, have a guess. All of it? Most of it? Nope.


Yes, that’s right, she has been donated £15. Even Charles hasn’t dipped into his Gilt Piggy Bank and offered a couple of pounds.

Not even Gary “Chasing a Knighthood so obviously it hurts” Barlow has done the honours.


Poor old Elizabeth will not be going to that particular ball so it would seem. All she has to look forward to (apart from decent healthcare the second she so much as sneezes, loads of cash, holidays whenever the mood takes her and David Cameron coming in to discuss politics (bad times), not to mention two sodding birthdays) is a projection onto the Houses of Parliament saying “For Queen and Country” (which you know is in no way as impressive as when Loaded did the same with a naked photo of Gail Porter in the mid nineties).

Bad times indeed.

Here’s a thought. Why not pay for it yourself your Majesty? We’d all be mightily impressed if you did, after all, your younger family are trying to make us all feel they are one of us and more in tune with the rest of the population (Wills even called Kate his Missus the other day).

Whilst the words of the National Anthem may indeed be “God Save the Queen”, I don’t think your current interpretation of it is quite what the original songwriter had in mind.

Why not ask Princess Anne, she’s brilliant at saving money, some of her clothes are older than me and she still rocks those threads with ease.

We should of course mark the ocassion, but perhaps the better option is a National Holiday so we can all go down the pub contemplate what you’ve brought to the country for all these years.

And leave the Crowdfunding to those who really do need the extra help.


Tunisia, Syria and Why Revenge Beheadings Against ISIS Should Be Condemned Too

Another month, another culture of fear whips up again, and, unsurprisingly, its stemmed from that appalling bunch known via the media as ISIS.

A whole day last week of what can only be described, despite their varying degrees, as shockingly depraved and wholy uncalled for.

Tunisia is somewhere I would’ve liked to visit. But I know now that I’m not the only one who is now using the past tense to descirbe my wanderlust to the beaches there.

Due to the events, and the media coverage, and Daily Mail maps showing supposed “Terror Cell hotspots”, Tunisia- always a Muslim country and with places tourists are advised to steer clear from to avoid causing offence- is now doomed to any chance of tourist activity. People are returning tickets in their droves.

But why?

How many of us still use the tube? Or buses? Or fly to America? How many still would visit France for a day trip sightseeing? Or to Northern Ireland for footie matches and to the beautiful coast?

All of these things, all of these places, have suffered acts of terrorism. Some more recently than others, of course. We still visit, we still use the tube. We simply carry on.

Of course, certain places are in a state where it would be pretty foolish to visit. Syria for example. And frankly, as an aside, those who do go over with the intention of joining the terrorists, then do us all a favour and stay. It saves our overstretched Police forces having to weed you out. As someone born and raised here, I hate that this minority- as it is a minority- are allowing the likes of Farage to gain more votes via his vile insinuations.

You only need look at how desperate others are to leave these areas, and smuggle themselves over here, to know we are all much better off where we are.

So, how do we deal with it? How do our governments plan on keeping the world safe, in a united effort?

Well, not like the average Syrians and their opposing forces have done in revenge attacks hopefully.

We all have the image in our heads of the likes of Jihadi John standing over an orange jumpsuited figure kidnapped for not agreeing with their warped beliefs. The photos, blurred as they are, are shocking enough for me personally, I can’t gauge why anyone would want to watch the propaganda ISIS then posts of the actual murder.

It now has emerged that Syrian Christians have turned the tables and murdered ISIS members they’ve captured in the same way.

I can get that they are pretty well entitled to feel anger, and want to defend themselves. But copying the style of the Jihadi murders just makes a mockery of their own beliefs.

Any religious, sane person should never turn to ritualistic killing. It makes them as bad as the people we all are told are the worst of human life as terrorists. Yes, I am not suggesting that they stand idle whilst their country and their relatives are blown away, however, any form of copycat behavior as disgusting as that used for its sensationlist properties and to brainwash the weak should be condemned no matter what side instigates it.

And what of our involvement? We all know the last time we joined in with the US, we were threatened and attacked for it. ISIS are something I don’t think we can currently beat, purely because they seem to be infiltrating every nation available.

We need to look at the root cause of what makes a usually normal member of society take their children across borders and live in poverty and war torn countries.

As for Tunisia, they should be applauded. Yes, so many innoccent people died, simply for being on holiday, on a beach, when someone clearly mentally unbalanced and high on drugs decided to kill people for not having the same beliefs. However, what of the unsung heroes- the hotel workers, also Muslim, who made a human chain? Or the Roofer, who distracted the guman by whizzing tiles at him from above? The hotel worker who chased him, throwing an ashtray at him shortly before he was shot? All with no regard for their own safety. They did not run and hide, they are good people and they outnumber the bad.

Tunisia will suffer for the actions of one person. But they are Muslims too, happy to have us in their country, helping to pay their wages, crying after the deaths of people they had sold drinks to, and fed, and smiled at.

In supposedly cleansing his country of infidels, he has done more to ruin his own people’s lives than those from a nation he wished to remove. What of the poverty he is likely to have caused to them? What does his religion, or the ISIS version of it, suggest regards hurting other Muslims?

I for one hope that we all use common sense and don’t desert what remains a beautiful, Muslim, country.